V-Day...and then it's just downhill

Well, who was my valentine? Try 16 teenagers at a debate tournament ALL weekend. Darn those kids. They kept winning. And they didn't have enough judges so I had to judge EVERY round...including one round of CX. I hate CX! I'd rather poke pens in my eyes. I thought about doing that because then I couldn't write out the ballot so I wouldn't have to judge, but they said they were so short of judges I'd have to judge anyway.

I took Pumpkin with me as punishment for being on her phone too late one night. That'll teach her...NOT! But she got to throw her softball around with the driver who is an ump. She spent the whole day texting a SENIOR...and I don't mean citizen. Those are NOT allowed in my house. I mean, she's not even 16!

And then by the time I got home my dear Honey had planned a nice steak dinner...at a restaurant with a 2.5 hour wait. Um, no thank you.

We finally end up at our fave burger joint where the food is AMAZING and the fries really are made from fresh-cut potatoes. I was in heaven.

My gift? A Starbuck giftcard so I could treat myself tucked neatly into a great card. OK, things look pretty good.

And then I wake up Monday and my head feels like a bowling ball the day after a pro tournament. Every joint in my body hurts. My HAIR hurts. But I must educate!

To top it off, I have duty this week and as I'm sitting in the cold hall shivering from what must have been a fever, one of the district people for whom I was going to do my dream job next year walks up and tells me to take a breath. Uh oh. This can't be good. So, she's resigning. Now, I won't get into the why or how, but I'll tell you that now my dream is on hold until "they" decide what "they" want to do.

And Nikki still likes that senior boy.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to run him off? I'm all ears!

I Failed a Test?????

For those of you who know me, this must come as a shock. Not because I'm some super brain, but because I'm a perfectionistic nerd.

But let me explain. Our school had a blood drive. For the first time in my life, I am healthy enough, I weigh enough (that's also another blog) and I am brave enough. Brave means I had students come in and guilt me into it.

You see, I have very small veins and when I have my blood drawn every year, the poor little girl has to find some children's needle before I become a human pin cushion. It always happens. I try to warn them, but they always give me that "I am the medical professional and you are just the hysterical patient" look. You know the one.

Anyway, I fill out the paperwork, read the brochure, and head for the guy who screens you. I see these little needle-like things and think he's going to "get it started" before I get to lounge in the chair and get my free cookies and Gatorade. Nope. He's going to check my iron. No biggie. Except he pricked my finger and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. Done? Nope, again. He wipes it off!!!!!! Couldn't he have used it? No again! He repeats this THREE times. Puts it in a machine and then tells me I've failed.

I'm sorry. What? How do you FAIL a test like that? Evidently I was 11.7 and you have to be 12.5 to donate blood. Again, WHAT? I slink over to the snack center just to be seen by the kids so they know I didn't chicken out and SCORE! They offer me double cookies!

I didn't get a shirt. It would have been my first.

I'm a charitable failure.

Don't Break My Pumpkin's Heart

What have those boys done to my Pumpkin?

After that last breakup, she is so sad. Not so much about thte boy specifically, but more of the hurt in general.

So, what does this have to do with me? Have you ever heard the phrase, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?" I propose that even if that is the case, "hell" would have nothing on that woman's mother.

I would do anything to protect Pumpkin from hurt of any kind, but is that what is best for her? How will she ever learn to problem solve or what she really wants in life if she doesn't experience any pain?

That's a tough one for me.

So, here's to Pumpkin. Good luck to all you guys out there trying your best to woo her. First you have to put up with her and then you have to put up with me.

That'll teach you.

Who Taught These Kids to Debate, Anyway?

Yes, I coach debaters and as a judge once told one of my teams, "Debate IS a full contact sport."
I was bombarded today with their debate skills, just without their brains, hearts or forethought.
Here goes. I am particularly close to one of the board members (our system of captains) as she is friends with my daughter, she has been with me for three years and we are a lot alike. She tells me everything and helps me know how to relate to my teen daughter. It's like having a double agent...except she's not enemies with either side.
Evidently, some students have perceived this as favoritism and have developed jealousy. I can respect that. It's not intended and her grade is earned just like everyone else's, but I can see their perspective.
That's not the problem. The problem is one (or two) students took it upon themselves to start a petition to "reform" her or "remove" her from office for lack of leadership ability. Hello. This is NOT a democracy. We do not allow for impeachment. And have any of them heard the phrase, "Those who live in glass houses?"
See, they could all use their leadership skills more and I am there to help them LEARN...how to argue and how to be good citizens. It's all the same with me. What they did was petty and personal and that student was extremely hurt. They named no one else who could use a little "reforming" and even diminished her particular events.
Now the kicker. They actually offered an ultimatum that I do as they say or they will quit.
EXCUSE ME? Who has no leadership now?
I am so mad I could have a coronary on the spot. After two hours of conflict resolution, it turned out to not be as they had described. They claimed "everyone" agreed so imagine my surprise when student after student walked into class saying, "Um, Mrs. S, I have nothing to do with that. Why is my name on it?"
We've really got to work on our people skills, no?

Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Teen Daughter

Now you'll see why I'm surprised "they" let me have a kid.



10. (Driving in car to school) Is that a zit on your chin? Here's some cream for it.

9. (In reference to a smart boy) But he's so...sweet and he has such a bright future.

8. (Noticing newly tight jeans) Have you not been doing workouts in softball lately? Or are you sure you want to supersize that meal?

7. (In front of her friends) Did you brush your teeth this morning? Or did you take your meds last night?

6. (Across a crowded Target) Honey, what size cup are you now?

5. Who needs a boyfriend? They just suck up all your studying time.

4. Why do I have to wear a bra just to drop you off at the movies?

3. Just think, 50% did WORSE than you!

2. (In front of daughter to one of her friends...preferably a boy) Hey, are you the one I read about on Facebook last night?

And the #1 thing you should NEVER say to your Teen Daughter is...

1. Wow. You look so much like I did at your age. I bet you're going to look just like me when you're older!

It's a Miracle I Have a Kid!

This is how I spend many of my weekends...at endless debate tournaments...with caffeinated kids whose vocabularies are bigger than mine...and that's saying something.

Here's what a typical conversation might go.

Student: Hey, Mrs. S. What's the veil of ignorance.
Me: blank expression, wracking brain for some answer that has a semblance of truth, coming up empty
Student 2: It's impossible to achieve in that it assumes all bias is removed which cannot be done.
Me: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Student: Skeptical look
Student 2: Furthermore, most countries who belong to the ICC cannot claim to have a veil of ignorance.
Me: The what CC?

Yep. Not pretty. So my dear asst. coach and I look like this by the end of the first night. Yep, she's a lot younger. Me? I barely made it home by midnight that night and returned at the crack of dawn.

After spending all those hours with kids, it's a miracle I ever had one of my own...or that I was allowed to. But that's another post.

Living for Summer

The Honey and I are trying to decide what we're going to do this summer. We can't really decide until the Pumpkin's select softball schedule is set and my team finishes national qualifiers at the end of this month. That being said, here are our two options.

Plan #1: We travel again to Mexico with our friends who got married/attended said wedding last year. Hmmmmmm. An all-inclusive tropical resort with waitstaff at my beck and call. Food prepared just for me 24-7. Sandy beaches, amazing excursions full of repelling, hiking, zip-lining and history.

Plan #2: We take a roadtrip passing through Arkansas to visit the Honey's brother, Springfield, MO, where he went to college and Columbia, MO, where he grew up, and then heading to Chicago. I'm not sure what there is to do there, but it has to be awesome. We'll possibly tool over to Detroit and maybe hit Indianapolis on the way back through St. Louis, Eureka Springs and Hot Springs. Hours and hours in the car with a stack of books and decadent magazines that I refuse to read unless we are traveling.

For those of you who know me, you know I've already begun both itineraries.

Yep, I'm living for summer in February.